On Courage and Vulnerability

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.“

-Meg Cabot, The Princess Diaries* 

I’ve been reflecting a lot on courage lately, particularly when it comes to vulnerability in relationships.

Y’all. Why. is. this. so. hard?!

I was talking to one of my best friends about dating recently, and we came to some pretty great and funny conclusions. Dating is nothing more than a series of things that go really badly until… they don’t. You’re willfully signing yourself up for heartbreak again and again and again, until… you’re not. Statistically speaking, it’s actually way more likely than not that things will end badly than they will go right, and yet you only need it to go right once to feel that the entire process was worth it.

We also talked about courage, and having the courage to make the leap, and how we prefer to live life in a way where we make the jump, even if there’s the risk of falling. During our conversation, the metaphor for vulnerability that kept coming up for me was this:

I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, with wings like Orville Wright’s prototypes strapped to my back. I close my eyes, lean forward slightly, breathing into the wind.

I’ve got science on my side, but I know the risks. I know that there is an incredibly high chance that something might go wrong. I might even die.

I’ve weighed the risks, considered all options, but I’m also resolute. I’ve decided. 

I take a few steps back, get a running start, the edge of the cliff suddenly hurtling towards me. And then… 

I jump. 

At this point in my life, I know without a doubt that I am a courageous person. And I am committed to vulnerability for its own sake. Being vulnerable is, to me, is its own intrinsic reward. Yes, it is scary to jump. Yes, it hurts to crash into the rocks. Yes, it is painful and embarrassing to jump AGAIN and crash into the rocks over and over and over again.

But what I know about myself at this point in my life is this: I want to be the type of person who makes the jump. Period. I cannot know what will happen with the landing, and I want to internalize that in many ways, the landing doesn’t even matter.

I want to have the courage to do the things that scare me, to know that I made the jump, took the leap. Regardless of whether or not I stick the landing, I want to be the type of person who makes the jump. 

What is more important to me than fear? What is it that will inspire me to make the jump? I want to live a life free, unbound. And I know that vulnerability takes a sometimes-distressing amount of courage, but it is also part of the life I want to live.

A poem for inspiration:

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?” 

― Erin Hanson

A short reading list on courage and vulnerability:

Daring Greatly, Brene Brown 
Rising Strong, Brene Brown 
The Places That Scare You, Pema Chodron

*I attributed Meg Cabot, but honestly, a lot of people have claimed this quote.