On Grace
In reflecting on my word for 2023, Abundance, I have been contemplating the different ways I want this word to show up in my life. I’m praying for an abundance of many things: community, friendships, writing opportunities, etc. Yet one of the ways I had not considered abundance was when it comes to grace.
My mantra this week is “lower the bar.” I say that to remind myself that in the many areas of my life where I am holding the bar too high, it might be possible to lower it slightly. I believe balance is possible but teetering the seesaw in one direction means taking away from something else. The days when my home is clean might be days I don’t write any poetry. The days where I’ve been super productive at work might mean that I don’t cook dinner. Most of the time, the place I have the bar set is just shy of perfection (the attempt at perfection, anyway). A book I read recently explained that most of the time, our exhaustion comes from trying to take things that are 80% good up to 100% perfect. When we allow ourselves to accept the 80% as good enough, it frees up more time and space for us to rest, relax, and take the pressure off of seeking perfection. “It is unnecessarily exhausting to ‘always do your best,’” the book chided me. “It makes much more sense to assess what areas require your best and give that, rather than strive to give your best in everything.”
A whole sermon.
Last year, one of my 7 affirmations was “grace is for me too.” When others’ actions impact me, I am quick to forgive. Friend can’t make it to dinner, family member cancels on an event? I give grace freely to others. However, I have to remind myself that I am just as worthy of that grace from myself, for myself. I don’t have to beat myself up for not going to the gym when I said I would; I can reschedule and go when I feel up to it. I don’t have to pay penance for not finishing the book before it was due back to the library; I can check it out again if I need to. These examples are quite low stakes, but the same principle applies to higher stakes scenarios. Practicing forgiving myself for the small moments equips me to give myself grace in the larger ones as well.
Perhaps one of the reasons perfectionism allures so much as a lie is that it tells us we don’t need grace. If I were just more ______, I would be able to _______. How do you fill in those blanks? Is the specter of perfectionism lurking within the lines? How might you be able to offer yourself some grace today? Where are the areas you could stand to lower the bar?