On Letting Go
“Every shut eye ain’t sleep; every goodbye ain’t gone.”
-traditional African-American proverb
One of my intentions for 2019 is to move towards minimalism. As I work on letting things go, the biggest thing I’ve learned so far is this: not every instance of letting go is a loss.
Marie Kondo’s book (and Netflix show) have shown the world one very popular interpretation of minimalism; her core theory is to let go of items that do not spark joy for you. I themed all of last year around choosing a present joy, which really sharpened my sense of what brings me joy. Holding items around my house and seeing what did and did not spark joy for me was made much easier by my year of intentional practice.
But the way I have been living out minimalism has extended far beyond the items I own. I’m practicing a form of emotional minimalism as well. It sounds austere, but really, a similar process is at play in my relationships. I recently came to the realization that for me, when it comes to relationships, if it’s not a “HELL YES!”, it’s a no. It is okay to let go of things, experiences, commitments, and people (!) who are simply not part of my journey anymore.
Once I claimed letting go as part of my year, I began to see up close and personal how the process of letting go really works. Half of letting go has been purposely allowing things to fall out of my life. There are friendships I’ve dropped out of, activities I no longer participate in, jobs I no longer work, a company I no longer run, relationships I have exited (stage LEFT, honey), all because they were draining my energy and I needed to let them go. In some ways, those active choices to cut my losses and recoup my energy was just the first step of minimalism.
But, as with all things, once you’re good on one level, the universe be leveling up on this shit. Another way of putting it is that there are things that I actively let go of and then there are things that let go of me. The end of my first podcast. Friendships that others have cooled off with me. Relationships that have not worked out. It’s like the universe heard me saying I wanted to free up my time and energy to invest in the things that matter most to me and was like ‘Oh so you wanna invest invest, huh? Well, here’s this thing/person/situation dropping out of your life. How do you feel about that?!’
If I’m to be truly honest, the things letting go of me often hurts my pride. It’s one thing to choose to let go, but to be let go of is another feeling entirely. Reflecting this week reminded me that I will never, ever lose something that is supposed to be for me. Period. If it’s for me, it will remain for me. Conversely, and the side that I struggle with, what is NOT for me is just… not for me, and that there is no gainsaying.
In this process of letting go, I’m currently taking a beat to recuperate, but ultimately know I will be not only just fine, but the better for letting go of some things, even if those things let go of me. I am an intense committer, and I don’t half-ass anything in my life. Things pulling away from me frees up even more of my time and energy to invest in the places that truly matter to me. I’ve already taken the scary step of being intentional about my priorities. And the things that aren’t top priority are now responding in motion away from me; in one sense, I am reaping exactly what I set in motion.
Seeing the repercussions of motion towards one’s true desires can be terrifying, but I also pray that the letting go process brings me even closer to the true desires of my heart. I’m getting real clear on where my energy needs to be going these days. The next step is to send it there.